


Hug me.

by colderthancold



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, it's highkey hurt/comfort, kinda angsty in some sort of way? not really but still a bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-05 18:30:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12195330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colderthancold/pseuds/colderthancold
Summary: “We aren't any different.”





	1. Hug me.

It was hard being Eli Ayase. At least it was for Eli Ayase herself. She had to be responsible, respectful. She had to be a great student (the best one) and a model daughter. She wished her cool image would stay the same until her third year as well. She also wanted to be the student council president when the time came around. She had, in the end, to be more or less perfect. She wasn’t sure what that meant, though. She just made her parents happy and supposed she’d be happy as well. After all, those were the things that actually mattered. Having good grades. Being a good kid. Having people to praise you (she liked that. She liked when people praised her and saying ‘thank you’ while smiling. She loved it). But sometimes she felt a bit empty. Purposeless.

But there was one day she couldn’t keep up her façade anymore. It was a Thursday, if she recalled correctly. The Thursday that infamous list was hang on the hall.

The list had the grades of all the students from the three classes from a certain test. Eli wasn’t part of the first bunch of girls that went; she wasn’t nervous nor excited. She was sure she had done as well as the other times. She was sure she’d be on top of the list. But, when she saw her result, she almost screamed. She wasn’t on the top ten. She wasn’t on the top twenty. She wasn’t on the top thirty. She was number forty one. And that wasn’t acceptable.

She walked to the bathroom with her fists clenched. She was shaking in anger and felt like crying. She entered it and looked at her reflection on the mirror. She frowned. She felt her eyes tearing up at the thought of telling her parents the grade she had gotten. And that made her feel even worse, because she was making such a fuss over just a grade. She felt like a kid again; frustrated. She hit the sink with the palm of her hand, and in that moment a girl opened the bathroom’s door. She was the one that was all crazy over an idol thing. Yazawa. That was her last name.

“Wha-? Are you okay?” She asked. She didn’t seem to pity her nor really care. Eli looked away.

“Leave me alone.” She said. The girl snorted and Eli was starting to feel her blood boil.

“This bathroom is not only yours, blondie.” She said, walking in. Eli glared at her.

“Don’t call me that!” She had been too loud and blushed in shame. The girl looked at her.

“Wait, wait. Let me guess: you’re so, so very mad because you got a bad grade on the test, right? You’re having this huge ridiculous tantrum in the bathroom because mommy and daddy will be very angry, right?” She asked. Eli wanted to scream at her because for god’s sake, who did she think she was?

“Shut up.” She said. But the girl sighed and extended her arms.

“What?” Eli asked. The girl hit her head lightly.

“Anybody home?” She asked. But she didn’t sound mean. She sounded reliable. She sounded like and older sister. The one that hits you and pulls your hair and treats you like shit but loves you so much you can’t understand her. “C’mon, hug me.”

“What?” Eli couldn’t understand what that girl was talking about. Yazawa rolled her eyes.

“Hug me, idiot.” She raised her eyebrows.

“Why– why would I do that?”

“You’re sad. You gotta hug someone. Hug me, c’mon. I’m not staying here forever, so take your chance.”

“Look, I’m in no need of–“

“We aren’t any different, Ayase. Just hug me.” She said. After hesitating, Eli got closer to her. The girl just jumped over her and gave Eli the best hug she had ever experienced. Eli almost fell and hugged her back. She started crying. Crying like she did when she didn’t get into ballet competitions. Yazawa’s embrace was calming and soothing; judging by the way she acted Eli didn’t think she’d be that way. Feel that way. And Eli held her thigh. God, she felt like she was going to break her, but Yazawa said nothing, so Eli kept on squeezing her until she felt secure.

They let go after some minutes. Eli cleaned the tears from her face.

“There isn’t anything wrong about feeling, you know? You don’t have to be the cool girl all the time. You can feel every now and then.” Yazawa said, putting her hand over her shoulder.

“I– Thanks. I mean, for this. I really– You were right. I needed a hug. So thanks.” She placed her hand on the back of her neck and Yazawa smiled.

“Hey, it’s just a grade. You’ll forget about it in a month.” But she was wrong. Eli wouldn’t forget about that grade because that day, when the girl that had never been on the top ten (or even thirty) when talking about grades gave her a hug, she realized there were things that were more important than school.


	2. Hug me II.

Nico Yazawa was kind of depressed. She couldn’t say that out loud, of course. She was the idol of smiles and giggles, the messenger of all happy and amazing things, the pink angel everyone had been waiting for. But she couldn’t help but feel blue as she now was the only member left in the Idol Research Club. She still couldn’t believe it nor wanted to do so.

She was starting to forget it when Eli asked her to go to the student council room that day after school. Needless to say, she tried to put an excuse.

“I have things to do, Ayase. Get out of my sight.” She had said. Eli had smiled with that one smile of hers, the one that looked like was an awkward grandfather at his grandkids football match. She hated it when she smiled like that (because she managed to still look handsome and charming, in some way. She hated that Eli could do anything and still look beautiful for sure).

“Nico.” Was all she said. And she said it with the tone of voice you use when you know someone is lying and you pity them a bit. Nico sighed.

“Okay. But what if I go? You’ll make me waste my time. I win nothing.” She spat. Eli’s smile turned bigger and Nico’s frown did so too.

“You’ll be the one winning, I assure you that.” She said, leaving. In that moment Nico wondered how come such a weird girl could have so many fans.

After school she decided to make Eli wait and hang around the clubroom for a while. She looked at her posters. Tons of idol groups stared at her and she felt like they were also judging her. She felt small around them, when looking at their videos and seeing their dance moves, when listening to their songs and being enchanted by their voices, when seeing they were more than one silly girl with an even sillier dream she had been holding onto since she was a kid. Of course they weren’t just silly girls; they were celebrities, almost professionals. Nico sighed. Once every now and then she felt like giving up. It didn’t last much, though: she always remembered the endless list of reasons why she was still persuading that dream. She hated herself for wanting to give up and feeling insecure. She promised herself she’d never feel like that. She promised her dad, her mother, even her siblings she’d never do so. And it wasn’t like she had trouble doing it, still. People (mostly girls at school) loved to say how full of herself she was. But she didn’t care. Not the slightest little bit. Because she felt confident of her way to be and proud of her outlook in life. She was going to succeed, there was no other option.

And with that state of mind she walked towards the student’s council room. She opened the door without knocking and saw Eli all alone writing over some papers. There was no sight of Nozomi and that made Nico feel happy. She didn’t understand that girl nor wanted to do so (at least in the near future). Eli didn’t look at her and Nico forced a cough. She looked up and smiled.

“Nico! You should’ve knocked.” She said. She didn’t sound bossy; just surprised. Nico crossed her arms and started hitting her left foot against the floor. Eli looked at it for a second and then looked at her again.

“I—come on, come closer. I don’t bite.” Nico wanted to answer that being an idiot, but decided she had been one for too much time. She walked towards a chair with her hands in her pockets and was about to sit when Eli stood up.

“Don’t sit.” She said. Nico frowned.

“Aren’t you gonna lecture me or something?” She asked. Eli walked where she was.

“Not really. You know why I called you here?” Eli asked.

“I thought you’d ask me to close the club down. To give up once and for all. Since I’m the only member and all that I thought you’d say we aren’t enough members. I’m not enough members.” The irony in her voice could easily be heard and Eli’s smile turned into what seemed to be a sad one. A melancholic one.

“You couldn’t be any more wrong Nico.” She said. “I actually called you to give you a hug.” She extended her arms and Nico couldn’t feel any more confused.

“You’ve gotta be kidding.” She said. Eli’s arms waved at her statement and that made Nico feel her heart wrinkling like a paper sheet.

“I’m not. Last year, when you gave me a hug something changed in me. Really. Maybe you were used to give random people hugs last year but it meant a lot to me. I needed a hug. And now I know you need one too.” Eli said. Nico couldn’t understand anything and turned around, ready to walk away. Eli took her wrist and Nico looked at her. She had forgotten about that hug and she couldn’t recognize last year’s Eli in the eyes that now stared at her. Now they seemed smart, calm, collected. Mature. Last year they seemed cold and rock-like. A bit childish. She did change, Nico thought. I changed her. But I don’t need her help.

“Let me go, Ayase. You’re—“ She wanted to say something, but even the thought of it seemed to be too insulting and the girl in front of her seemed too small, and her intentions too good and pure. “Just leave me alone.” She said. Some déjà-vu feeling popped in her mind for a second and Eli hugged her. She forced her into a hug and Nico tried to get away but couldn’t. Nico tried to hit her. She tried to but couldn’t as she felt her eyes tearing up. She covered her mouth, containing a sob.

“You’ll think you’re alone, now that you’re the only member of your club. But you aren’t. you see, I don’t want to take the club down; I want it to keep having activities, lots of them. I want to know you won’t give your dream up just because some dumb girls left you.” Eli said. Nico was now crying. Eli kept going. “I want you to keep dreaming, Nico. You helped me do so. You helped me see more than there was. Nico, we aren’t any different.” She said, holding Nico’s hands. Nico turned to her and jumped to her, putting her legs around her waist and her arms around her neck. Eli almost fell and Nico started sobbing like there was no tomorrow and saying things Eli didn’t understand but tried to do so. She patted her back and they stayed in the student council room with each other for too much time. That day, when the girl that had suffered because of her dreams and had gave them up gave her a hug, Nico Yazawa realized she wasn’t alone.


	3. Hug me III: Kiss me.

Eli Ayase and Nico Yazawa felt old. Three days before Eli started college and five and a half days before Nico started working (she said she’d go to college whenever she felt like it and decided to find a job that’d help her earn money for her family in the mean time), one Thursday evening, they could be seen passing time at a new coffee shop down Eli’s street. Nozomi had also been invited, but she had something to do and declined. So it was just the two of them.

“Time flies, huh?” Eli said, stirring her cup of chocolate milk with a small silver spoon. Nico nodded. They had been feeling like that for a while; like time was going too fast for them. Everything seemed to be in a fast-forward kind of motion and they always ended up making some sort of comment like that. About how everything felt like some sort of dream.

“It does. You know, it feels like yesterday when we were just first years, and now we’ve graduated. However, you’re still the same awkward and kinda lame first year you once were. You aren’t that lanky now, though.” Nico commented, taking a sip of whatever she was drinking (she ordered something too specific). Eli chuckled.

“You do too. I think you grew, say, one centimeter?” Eli asked. Nico faked a laugh.

“Very funny, Ayase. You’re getting better, but let me remind you that I never went to the bathroom to throw a fit because I had ‘failed a test’.” Eli frowned at that declaration, but decided to be the bigger person and took a deep breath. She intervened her fingers over the table.

“I wasn’t throwing a fit, I was just frustrated.” She said. As Nico said ‘yeah, sure’ she added: “You only remember that when you need to. And let me remind you who read the speech at our graduation.” Eli said. She had a small and smug smile on her face (which for some reason instead of arrogant looked pure). When she had been told she had been chosen to write and read the (one and only) speech for their graduation due to her good grades and excellent attitude, she had been talking about it and trying to make it a conversation topic as many times as she was able to. She was proud of herself an wouldn’t deny it. Nico raised her eyebrows.

“You sure did. You got away with that one, Elichika.” She said, patting Eli’s cheek. “Needless to say, I felt proud of you. I think I already told you, but I really was.” She said, looking at her cup. Eli’s eyebrows almost met each other and she felt her cheeks become warmer. She was blushing.

“You didn’t.” She said. Nico looked at her. She was serious but her expression was soft and maybe even sweet.

“I was. I am. It was fun to see that kid I had to hug in the bathroom because she was crying about her grades read the speech at our grad. I felt—I felt my heart about to explode out of joy, like, a gold and pretty big kind of explosion.” She suddenly stopped talking, like she noticed she had said too much. She sighed. “But that was weird and not important. The important thing is I was really proud of you. You always manage to get what you want, you charming little idiot.” She now procced to squeeze one of her cheeks. Eli moved away.

“Ouch!” She said, rubbing her sore cheek. “Thanks, Nico. It means a lot to me.” Eli said. Nico raised her hand, not looking at her.

“Always a pleasure.” Was all she said. They stayed in silence. Eli coughed.

“You also got away with what you wanted, though.” She added, smiling. Nico nodded.

“I did. Got me a bunch of backup dancers and became the most glorious idol on earth.” She said. Eli frowned and Nico started laughing. “I’m joking, Ayase! It was a joke! You should’ve seen your face! It was so, so funny! God, you’ve got to be the funniest.” Nico said as she cleaned an imaginary tear from her left eye. It was Eli’s turn to fake a laugh.

“Very funny, Yazawa.” She said. Nico didn’t stop laughing, but she kept talking. “I was also proud of you. Especially when you were wearing that pink dress and told your siblings you wouldn’t go solo anymore. It was really sweet.” Eli said. Nico looked away.

“Yeah, I’m sweet. I always am, I’ve always been.” Nico said. “Now let’s go. I told mama I’d be home by seven.” They paid and left. They walked to Nico’s place talking about nothing in particular, feeling like some clock was counting their time left together. It made their hearts clench, but none of them said nothing about that subject, so they tried to enjoy the time they had together. When Nico was about to enter the building, Eli stopped her.

“Hey.” She said. Her arms were extended. “We didn’t do it this year.” Nico looked at her up and down.

“What?” She asked. Eli sighed. Nico rolled her eyes but was smiling still. “I know, our yearly hug. God you’re clingy.” She added, chuckling. She had tried to sound insulting but couldn’t do so. It was Eli’s turn to playfully roll her eyes.

“Yes, our yearly hug. And no, I’m not clingy. It’s just that I don’t want this tradition to die. I think it’s important for the both of us. I think this hugs— they have made us become who we are today. They have made us become better persons. I don’t want to sounds corny but they have saved us, in some kind of way. Don’t you agree with me?” She asked. Nico wasn’t looking at her but nodded. “Then c’mon Nico, hug me.” Eli said. Nico crossed her arms.

“You come here, you big idiot.” She said. Eli moved closer to her. “Just kiss me, Ayase. Kiss me.” Nico said, almost whispered. As Eli didn’t react and just slightly gasped, she groaned and took her by the collar of her shirt, making their lips hit each other. They kissed each other for an unknown amount of time. The clock was now restarting, making them feel joyful. They didn’t know how much time they had left together now, but they’d knew it’d be an awful lot and couldn’t be more grateful about that. When they finished kissing, they looked at each other’s eyes.

“Not as romantic as I expected, but I can work with that.” Nico said. She was smiling. Eli smiled too.

“Remember we aren’t any different.” And as they kissed again, they sure realized they weren’t any different from each other. They sure did.


End file.
